Into the woods...

So, I spent this past week in the woods. On Tuesday morning at about 7am, we left Copley for a three hour drive to Western Mass... on school buses. You can imagine how happy I was with that (albeit, I did not get sick).

So, after we get there and after a brief orientation, they give us our teams for the year... Only, they give us each puzzle pieces and tell us "Find your group." I got Civics in Action, which was my third choice (behind the Saturday service programs for middle & high school students). I will be teaching 8th graders about civics. I haven't gotten much more info beyond that, because that's not what the retreat was about.

Tuesday night, we did an exercise about priviledge. They lined us up shoulder to shoulder. Depending on the statement, we'd either step forward or backward... Guess who, with her female, queer, working class, disabled status ended up towards the back? My only priviledge, of course, is my white skin...

Which of course made Wednesday morning's workshop on racism incredibly uncomfortable. After being a part of ICWES, that's all discussions of race do for me. I'm glad CY does not take the accusatory approach that ICWES did, but I'll always have the thought in the back of my mind that no matter what I say/do/think, it'll always be trumped by my white skin and that everyone who isn't white is judging me for it. I really want to yell at DR & the other girls for f***ing me up so much...

Alright, digression over. Wednesday night was a bit harder... We discussed sexism. As much as I feel I have progressed over sexism, I feel confronted by the reality that not everyone has and, unfortunately, this is something that holds me back. The guys in my group were amazing - I could actively see them opening their minds and changing their opinions based on the stories we all told. I'm proud of the courage the girls had in telling their stories (myself included); however, I'm not sure the internalized sexism went away at all. That night, a bunch of the girls from my cabin were boys-this, boys-that... Drove me crazy. It's like no one had listened to themselves talk about how much they had been controlled by men and the resulting standards of women set by the patriarchy. *sigh*

Thursday morning was the heterosexism workshop. This was the hardest one for me to do. Not because it brought back painful memories or that the CMs were homophobic, but because of the organization of it. Those leading the discussion set up a gay-straight dichotomy. Yeah, I felt actively excluded. I understand the need to start a basic level for everyone, but it was incredibly frustrating for me. I'm sick of teaching everyone to be accepting of gays, when I'm not even gay. I just wish we had had the ability to have a more complex conversation than what was had. After the workshop, I did get a number of pats on the back from CM and SCM for bringing it up, but then no one spoke up for me during the workshop. I'm still not sure how willing CY admin is to embracing my lifestyle, but whatev...

Thursday afternoon, classism. I felt it was a little rushed (everything had been running really late all week and I think it was finally caught up with us). While we got some basic statistics (rates of poverty, HS graduation in the city of Boston, insurance, etc), we didn't discuss them all that much. Also, my concern is that we have yet to talk about how classism and ageism (and educationalism - is that a word? well, now it is) affects our attitudes towards the communities we serve. While I'm going to try my hardest, I realize that the temptation to act in a paternalistic manner is going to be great. I come to CY with my college degree, my 22 years of life, and having been originally raised in a upper-middle class household (albeit, that hasn't been true for years, but the mentality of my parents' status as academics still exists within me). I acknowledge that it will affect my service. Every single day, I have to consciously be aware to NOT be paternalistic and/or condescending.

Friday was mostly a wrap-up day. Honestly, a lot of it has faded and I presume this is because it didn't have too much of an impact on me... Also, I came down with the CY plague that day (*sniffle*). The one thing I remember is the Community Meeting, where I definitely felt talked at. However, I realize that it was our first one and that future ones will be more interactive and informative. Its purpose is for the whole Corps to come together and learn about what everyone has been doing at their service sites... Since we have all been doing the same thing, there wasn't much to talk about, save the structure of the meeting.

And lastly, we boarded a bus back home, where I've been attempting to get over my cold... woot!